I was really afraid to ask anyone my questions so I’ve sort of been hinting around about it with my facebook friends who aren’t really friends. I mean I don’t actually know any of them in my real life. But my question is how do I know if the relationship I am having on facebook is real or not? I’ve never met this man and we have just been chatting through chat and stuff. I only know what he tells me about himself and I don’t know if any of it is true. But I know that he has other “friends” and I worry that he’s doing the same thing with them that he is doing with me. Basically we just play around and flirt a lot. It probably won’t ever be anything more than that since we live on opposite sides of the world but I’m really crazy about him and I really want to meet him someday and see if we can be something. What can I do?
Lonely and In Love
Dear Lonely and ILL…
I’m sorry to tell you that it isn’t a REAL relationship. It is a VIRTUAL relationship. And..that’s okay. We all come to the Virtual world for something that is missing in our real life. I came into it as a way to promote my writing and discovered that a huge part of me was missing and being fulfilled by my interactions with certain online personalities. I was also very deeply gratified to find that the one person who made me light up the most also turned out to be the one to whom I have given the bulk of my trust. We have met and are very happy together.
So please do not despair that this could ever happen to you. But first and foremost you really must get yourself together. Asking your fellow facebook friends whether or not they know that he is cheating on you is a means to an end. Vis a vis.,.the end of your online and possible real life relationship. You don’t really specify whether or not this particular relationship fulfills any kink for you and your virtual partner that is missing in your life. You also do not say whether or not he is married in real life which I suspect to be the case as it is so often. I cannot count on both hands and feet the number of people whom I have met who are so dissatisfied in their marriage that they seek what is lacking online. It is both a testament to the state of marriage as it is to the attraction of virtual play.
What seems to be missing most from your interactions with your partner is…trust. You cannot ever possibly know who he really is, what he really wants, or why it is to you that he turns to have his needs fulfilled. None of that really matters. Online relationships are more and more common these days. People are bored, tired, angry, unhappy, lacking their spiritual and physical needs being met and most of all very disappointed with how their expected lives have actually turned out. Some may not thank me for this, but it must be said that there is often a lot of work to be done in a marriage, or other relationship that many are simply too lazy or too tired to do. Then again, there are relationships that are beyond repair. You’ve tried everything and it never worked, but for reasons, perhaps known only to you, there is no way out. So you find an escape. A virtual one, since a realistic one is not possible.
It saddens me often. There are many women, many of my acquaintance, who are feeling exactly what you feel, but do not know what to do about it. My advice is always the same. You entered into this circumstance for fun, for escape. Enjoy it for just that and want nothing more. Because it is in the wanting that comes the disappointment, and very often following that is hurt. If it is meant to be, it most certainly will come about. If it is not, your best course of action is to guard yourself against that hurt and give only what you trust to give.